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This time, I thought I would share a real story from my life. It’s actually my partner’s story. In his mid-twenties he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but he chose not to follow up as the antipsychotic drugs were too disabling. He went on as before, drinking, fighting in pubs, losing his licence, losing jobs. When we got together I copped occasional verbal abuse. Even though I knew of the old diagnosis, I put the nastiness down to his drinking.

Skip ten years to a couple of months ago. The episodes were quite frequent, but because he had been in rehab a few times for the alcohol problem, we were able to talk openly about the booze. One time an episode of mania started and I spotted it early. I also noticed that the episode came first and the drinking later (this had never happened before). At last the old diagnosis was verified. I understood my great-grandfather’s quote better than ever: ‘I drink to still the mind.’ Because of our ability to talk rationally and openly even during an episode I suggested he take some of my lithium. He agreed; it worked within three hours. He’s still taking it more than a month afterwards (with his own script!)

So what have I learned from this?

· Diagnoses may be ‘dropped’ and let slip into the murky past, sometimes for good reasons;

· Observation is crucial: spotting the mania causing the drinking rather than blaming the drinking for bad behaviour;

· Medication works and life is better when you‘re treated;

· Waiting ten years is a long time but could not be hurried: we have to wait for the right time to be persuasive;

· As insight develops over time, so too does our ability to contribute solutions;

· Rehab was useful in enabling us to talk frankly and without values about alcohol; this spread over to talking about bipolar disorder.

· Looking back and grieving over the losses, asking what if he’d been taking lithium then? is futile, makes me hurt and those times were simply what they were. We were held together during that time and now it’s a season to rejoice.

I hope your journey is fulfilling, safe and peaceful, and stays that way for good.

Living with bipolar is difficult whether you’re the sufferer or the sufferer’s partner. On a lovely spring day with a very light breeze you two might be able to get together peaceably. Here’s what I suggest you talk about. Bipolar is made up of changes to mood, thinking and activity. Changes to mood and thinking can’t really be noticed accurately by the partner. But activity is clear: both of you can notice what you’re doing.

So pick a few activities that happen when you’re not well. This might be playing guitar only when you’re high; drinking to excess only when you’re high (or mixed depression/elation). It might be talking to everyone on the phone late at night. It might be making radical posts on facebook. You know already the sort of stuff I’m talking about. Discuss each activity as it comes up. For depression, you might notice activities that are not happening. Is it an early warning? Is it a major alert? What does the partner need to do if it’s an early warning, or major alert? Agree on the actions that the partner will take.

This gentle conversation may lead you to a more together relationship. If that’s the case, the pair of you could work on a disaster prevention plan, which I’ve taught about until recently. The plan involves details about you and your helpers (plus their phone numbers). It includes a plan for your kids and/or your pets. It lists the activities that make your partner aware that you’re ill, and triggers your partner’s help.

You can go without a plan, but a crisis usually ends up with anger on both sides. Take today’s conversation gently and lovingly; listen more than speak; understand the other. The harsh edge of a ill-health crisis can be eased with a small amount of intentional effort.

Bipolar and the Art of Roller-coaster Riding contains more information this post.

You’ve got bipolar disorder. You’re taking the medicines that have been prescribed. Yet you still have outbreaks of symptoms, practically every day. How can this be? Aren’t the drugs working properly? Or are they insufficient?

I believe that those of us who get breakthrough symptoms while taking medication have a problem with their treating doctor/psychiatrist. That problem is one of communication. Sometimes, a psychiatrist might ignore your complaints and stick to the existing drugs (what a bully! Look for another doctor). Other times, the psychiatrist might have trouble interpreting what you’re saying about symptoms and out of caution leave the prescriptions as they are. If we are articulate about our symptoms, our psychiatrist will understand and treatment can be fine-tuned so no symptoms persist.

How can we be ‘articulate’ about our symptoms? I think it’s about recognising symptoms for what they are and not brushing behaviours aside as ‘normal’ or ‘non-bipolar’. Then you will notice more symptoms. Tell the doctor about these symptoms as examples of how you’re going. The doctor ought to listen and be willing to reconsider your treatment regime.

At this point, some negotiation skills come into play. Bear in mind the outcome you want (no symptoms) and imagine what outcome the doctor wants (best treatment). See if you can prompt the doctor to change the medication.

When you’re eventually free of symptoms you’ll have much better health and the freedom to live life as you intend to.

Information like this can be found in Bipolar and the Art of Roller-coaster Riding

Bipolar and the Art of Roller-coaster Riding ebook